Watching tv is not how I want to spend my days with her. It reminds me a lot of Tracy and my relationship. I feel it's a state of depression. I like to go and experience and live not sit and be numb or escape through a box. Why is the tv an automatic go to?
Sometimes well most of the time I feel like I pick up behind her. I feel like she acts as if she is the only one in the house. When I do things out of kindness for her am I debilitating her?
Lately she is complaining about having to work at a job she doesn't like. Ok so find another one you do like. She didn't want to start a new position and learn a new task yet she complains about me making her go to work. It's three days a week. If you don't like it change it.
I feel like she doesn't want to put effort towards anything. As if life is a lost cause. I thought she was enjoying life and finding the joy with us.
I can't remember the last time I touched her or we had sex. Sex is a healthy part of a relationship. I do not have a drive to touch her and I don't know if it is bc I was tired of see being on her time and o it one sided or if I am just giving up the fight.
She said tonight she is in an emotional place and experiencing some emotions arise when we talked about going to my family's tomorrow. She's not excited I'm not excited yet this is most likely the last time I will see them before I go to Seattle. What are her emotions??
Talking about internal feelings. Ha!! Rarely. She keeps everything inside most of the time. She usually doesn't discuss if something is bothering her yet she asks me and I usually say what it is. Why does our communication lack depth and emotion?
We live in a place the is stunting to our growth yet when we move is it going to be a similar situation of just sitting in front of a tv? Is the focus going to turn to its a new city and I don't know anyone or where to go? I do not want to move out to a place where it's the same. I want a change. I want a whole relationship not a holey one.
Are we just crossing through a rough patch or is our love changing and growing apart? I find myself doing more and more by myself bc she spends the majority of her time putting herself together, she doesn't want to go or I want space away to be able to get things done quickly. We are not eating meals together, going to bed together, waking up together..... These are signs to me that our relationship is not moving forward. Will it take losing her to see what is really here? Do I have my guards up bc I feel like I'm fighting to have them down? I'm a sensitive person. And her sarcasm sometimes hurts and cuts to the core. Is she rethinking her decision to be here with me and spend her time? She is drinking more. Staying up late. Watching a lot of tv. Not really talking to me about what she's going through in her life. I'm not sure what to think about these changes. I'm not always going to be the cheerleader. She needs to step up and be the cheerleader too. We need to be equal not competing for a prize that doesn't exist.