Yesterday she was sick and feeling dizzy, not able to breathe and I could still see her beauty. Her hips DO NOT lie. She worked my hips so hard yesterday I really feel it today. I have had a connection with her since before my light switch turned on. I began watching her through the opened doors of the studio. Her movement from day one struck my eye, yet my heart was being occupied by one of her students. I wanted to be in the same space as her yet did not yet have the courage to take her class b/c I struggle with being confident in my movement. This is something I am working on and something she has helped me to grow in. They way she moves sends a feeling ,that I have yet to put into words, rushing through me. She is such a kind. compassionate, supportive, beautiful built woman, who makes me laugh and smile every time I see her. I want to take away her aliments. I want to support her vision of dance on the stage everyday. I want to support her and stand beside her as she ventures through her life. I only really know the sides of her I see in class. Her choreography shares stories of her. I learn a lot about her through her movement, not words. We have a relationship to where she can say something and we look at each other and laugh b/c we have both made the words sexual. Last night we confirmed this is a place in the mind that makes life happier and lighter. She just has this way about her. She is mysteriously layered, dark and light, her eyes connect and draw me in and presence is STRONG. She is a dancer yet does not have that goodie two shoes, I am better than you attitude. She is down to earth and grateful for the little things. She is honest about how she is feeling and what she wants to say. She glistens when she sweats! I could watch her for hours just dance. I really want to do some contact improv with her to see how our bodies work together. I want to see the movements we create. I also want to feel her soul spill from within to see how my soul reacts. My words I speak to her come from pure honesty with such a gentleness about them. I really want to hold her in my arms and stroke her hair till her eyelids fall heavy to rest. She is genuine. There is just something about her I cannot put into words. Today I find out she may be leaving before September for good and my heart sinks. It all depends on work. I want her to stay yet I support her absence in Cincinnati. Who knows where I will end up and who knows where she will end up. The seeds are planted and it is up to us to see how we water them to grow. I know she is different and I am attracted to her. My feelings grow every time I see her. I keep learning something new. I hope I am not scaring her with my words and feelings. I also trust that she would say something. From our interaction from this last class I would say there is a spark there. What kind of spark I am not sure. I found her in front of me every time we did something. At first I thought it was a coincidence. So, I tested it out and moved. She moved right in front of me again. Was it subconscious or on purpose?? I felt a deeper connection with her in class. I wanted to run up and hug her. I didn't I stayed in the corner warming up and watching her as she warmed up. It's hard to keep my eyes off of her. I found myself during warm up looking at her. So much so that I was just laying there not doing the exercise b/c I was paying attention to we were doing the exercise now she was not demonstrating. My mind was in a swirl. She called me out for not doing the exercise and we just laughed. The comments and sexual puns made during class made us laugh. I felt her eyes on me more this class than before. After class I went up to her. There was no bubble between us and neither of us moved. She was more forward with her touch. We laughed and grew a little closer. We were going to go out for a drink after class and then she was sick so we called it off. I asked her how she was and went through a list of questions to try and figure out what it was she had. She said she is a mess and agreed in the sense that she seemed to be falling apart. Stress caught up with her immune system and her body needed to rest, so this was its way of saying, "Hey remember me…..I still need attention." Could she be intrigued? Interested? Open b/c she is vulnerable right now? Curious? Feeling what I feel? All of these things I do not know so I wait till she is ready to say something to me. I make a pass and then see if she responds. She has initiated conversations so I am not sure what it means. I am still trying to pinpoint my feelings!
I met her at a pub in Boulder, CO. She is a tall pale pierced eyed beauty. She caught my attention the minute I walked in and settled down. She turned around and surprised me. I was on lock down so I did not let myself feel. She is a hippie……has a sense about her. She can go deep. She is intense. I can feel her from miles away. I can see her. I am in her dreams and thoughts. I have a sexual tension with her. I am not sure how I will respond on our first meeting (tomorrow) that I will allow myself to feel. She excites me from deep within. I do have a concern about her drinking. Drinking to get drunk for a release is not healthy and not something I want a part of my life. I am going to see her to see if she could be a person in my life. It's not a test or an audition it is a gathering of information. We send videos and pictures of ourselves in our daily lives. We have shared a lot of our stories. It is natural talking with her. She can send chills down my spine with just one thought. Is she promiscuous? Could I trust her? Maybe a long distance relationship to begin with is good for me to be able to take things slowly…… She is accomplished and has travelled and done various jobs. She is interesting and int tune with herself. She is learning more and more about her daily. She has a compassion about her. A love of life. I am excited to be able to spend some time with her to see how we do together for an entire day.
I met her in South Beach, Miami. We were bunk mates in our hostel. She was constantly making me crack up! We were fuck this fuck that. I felt we could relate. We took walks on the beach, ate dinners together, experienced a drag show together. We clicked. I saw we were like minded. Still connecting we talk about having our own self-sufficient island. We talk about traveling together. We are opening up more and more to one another. We skyped for the first time earlier this week for THREE hours. I read her Go the Fuck to Sleep and we said our goodnights. We snap chat photos of our day. I sent her Peanut Butter M&M's and paid $26 for shipping without blinking. I know how much she loves her M&M's. Our relationship is unfolding yet seems to be very slow. I do not know how she feels towards me. I do not even know if she is into women???? So many questions unanswered yet we are still connecting.
All three of these connections are unique. I am having fun figuring out what and where they take me. This is a great change of pace for me. I enjoy connecting and I really missed these connections. I have disconnected for so long and it feels good to be back. I will keep moving forward as